In 2017 my life felt stable yet exciting. I was starting a new job (which is always nerve-racking) and I moved home for the summer. I saw old friends I hadn’t seen in months because I was away at school. I felt content and comfortable with my life. I was working and going to church. I was making time for what I believed was important I felt like I was doing everything right. I feel like I’ve lived a very easy and happy life. I hadn’t been through something “traumatic” or “life-altering.” But little did I know that was going to change.
One Sunday afternoon, my parents gathered all 6 children to the living room for “family council.” I thought we were going to DISNEYLAND because it had been 2 summers since we went last. I noticed my mom’s voice was very shaky and her eyes filled with tears. “Your dad and I are separating.” This phrase, this 6-word sentence changed my whole world. My head was spinning and tears streamed.
The past 2.5 years have been the most challenging times in my “easy” and “happy” life. It all of a sudden was no longer easy nor happy.
I was in the middle of this traumatic experience that numbed me. I shut people out of my life. My closest friends struggled knowing how they could help me because I didn’t want their help. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t verbally explain and express what I was feeling to anyone!
I remember one specific night when my childhood home was just about empty due to the lack of furniture and siblings that my mom took with her—I was so lost and so low. I didn’t believe that anything good was in this world because my world wasn’t good at that moment.
I’ve always been a believer in God. I knew how much He truly loved me before. I knew how much He cared but at this moment in time, I pleaded for His help. I needed Him more than I ever have before. I knelt against my bed and with tears hitting the floor, I cried out “Please, I can’t do this. I can’t do this by myself.” I have never felt so much pain, hurt, betrayal, and anger before.
But something happened that I can’t explain. I know that Jesus was there. I know that He heard my plea and came to provide me with strength that I couldn’t muster without Him. His love was so powerful, I felt embraced by peace and comfort. He is the ultimate peace-maker and I have felt that ever since that moment. In my world of chaos, He is what organizes it. It is He who can calm my seas when my sails are ripping.
My problems didn’t go away. My world was still changed forever. BUT through Jesus Christ, I have been able to see the good and the love and the peace that comes from living like Him. His peace is what provides me with the hope I need to continue to live. His peace is what gives me the strength to keep going! And my world is forever changed because of Him.