by Eric Kotter, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (“Mormon“), student at BYU-Idaho studying communications, and freelance writer.

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (inadvertently called by friends of other faiths, The Mormon Church), I have sought to gain a personal testimony of Jesus Christ. As a little child I was taught about Jesus Christ, I remember going to church and learning about Him. There is one particular time at church when I was being a little fussy and impatient. I remember my Mom telling me to do my best to think about Jesus Christ during sacrament meeting (similar and yet different from Catholic Communion). I remember asking my mother, “How do I think of Him?”;  my mother said that I need to remember the things He did for us. This memory stands out to me because it reminds me of a point in my life when I started developing a more serious and personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Not too many years after that experience, I was sitting in my home watching a video about Jesus Christ with my family. The video showed the sufferings of Christ–His sufferings in Gethsemane for our sins and His subsequent sufferings on the cross. As I watched the video, I remember my feelings of awe and wonder that someone would go through so much pain. I wondered, “Why would anyone go through so much pain?” After watching the solemn scene of the video for awhile, I went into the kitchen where my mother was making a meal, and I asked her, “Why would Christ do that for us? Why would He go through so much pain?’ Her reply was simple but it affected me in a deep and powerful way. She said, “Because He loves us.” When she said those words, I felt a wonderful feeling of love that is difficult to describe. I felt the Spirit of the Lord testify to me that this was true–that Jesus Christ was real and that He loves us more than we can imagine. I felt a deep burning love so much that it made me cry. I know that this experience came from God. It was a testimony to me of the reality and divinity of Jesus Christ.

Throughout my life I’ve come to learn more and more about Jesus Christ and what His purpose was. I’ve learned that Jesus Christ came to this earth on a mission–a mission to pay a debt. This debt was to pay for all of our sins, as well as our sufferings and hardships. He did this to make it possible for all of us to return to God and have eternal life if we follow His gospel. He also made it possible to receive enabling grace to help strengthen us through life’s hardships, even small ones. Many people might wonder why they should have hope or how they can have peace. I testify that it is only through Jesus Christ that we can have a sure hope, and true peace. I have found that it is only by putting my trust in Jesus Christ and following His gospel that I find true peace. An ancient prophet named Moroni, talked about where we should put our hope. He said,

And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise. (The Book of Mormon Moroni 7:41)

Jesus Christ is the reason we can have hope and rejoice! Because He gave His life for us, we can find peace through the storms and challenges we all face. On the third day after His death, Jesus Christ arose from the grave as a resurrected being. He overcame death and made it possible for all of us to overcome death. This gives me great hope that I will be able to see my loved ones again that have passed away. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have learned that Jesus Christ’s gospel, as it was when He was on the earth, was restored to the earth through a living prophet. Today there are prophets and apostles who speak to us, and help us know what the Lord would have us do. I know that as we do our best to follow Jesus Christ and live the life that He lived, then we find peace. My mother has said to me many times, “Do your best, and the Lord will take care of the rest.” His grace is there for us. As we seek Him, we can be filled with His love and have our burdens lightened, hope strengthened, and peace restored. In the New Testament in the Bible Jesus Christ said,

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.” (Matthew 11:29)

I know Jesus Christ lives and that He loves us. Jesus Christ shows us what is truly important in this life. I know that when I follow Him and seek to serve others, there is a happiness that enters my life that can be found in no other way.

Additional Resources:

Find a meeting house to learn more about Jesus Christ.

Learn more about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Learn more about Jesus Christ from mormon.org

By Tessa Joy McMillan

As an eight year old, I was extremely excited to have a room of my own. But it was not like other rooms. It was an attic: twenty foot vaulted ceilings, exposed wooden beams, spider webs, protruding nails, hard wood floors, and a column of brick created an exciting atmosphere. But to make my room even more amazing, my dad hung an attic swing from one of the large wooden beams. During severe thunderstorms, I would sit on my swing and move to and fro to the pitter-patter of the rain. Life was good on my swing.

***

It was my freshman year in high school. I loved every minute of it. I had lots of friends, I was getting good grades in all of my classes, and I was to be in the spring play, Winnie The Pooh. Life couldn’t have been better, except for the fact that because I was a member of the LDS church,  I was impatiently waiting to be the big “one six” to start dating. But, all that mattered at the time was what was happening right then and there. The future seemed too far away to worry about. Besides, I was having too much fun in the present to worry about something so distant.

***

I remember back in junior high I came home after an exhausting day of school activities. I ran up the two flights of stairs to find my swing waiting patiently for me. I slid easily into the wooden seat. It always fit me perfectly. Then, I took off! I blasted off into my imagination pretending I was flying over Germany in a WWII dive-bomber or pretending I was a superhero flying through the air to help rescue those in need. But then I realized I was the one in need of rescue. I had reached the height limits of my swing and by pushing it to its peak one of the ropes had broken. I came crashing down with my hands outstretched to catch my fall. But it was too late. I had fallen at such a great height that my hands could not stop me from slamming with terrifying force onto the hard wooden floors. I lay dazed and shocked for a moment. Then pain came into my hands. I had sprained them both. I screamed and cried not only for the pain I was experiencing but for the betrayal of my precious swing. Why did it happen? Why after years of reliable happiness did it betray me? What did I do to deserve this?

***

Monday, April 13, 1998.  Today, everything was going my way. High school was definitely treating me well. My table during lunch was overflowing with friends who all wanted to sit with me. But with the ring of the bell I had to leave that taste of popularity behind to go to my girls’ gym class. I left for the locker room, changed, and came to join my friends in class to see what physical activities were in store for us. Our teacher arrived and gave us the happy news that we were able to do whatever activity we wanted for class. I had an idea and raised my hand to suggest that we should play games on scooters. Scooters are square boards with wheels on them. You sit on top of them and push yourselves on them with your hands. So, we spent the hour pushing ourselves around and laughing at our enjoyment. Class ended and I felt happy the rest of the day because of the fun I had had in gym class.

Wednesday, April 15, 1998. After a long but good day at school, I crashed on my usual spot on the couch to watch a few meaningless hours of television. Yet something seemed different. My fingers seemed uncomfortable holding the remote control. I tried popping my knuckles and fingers to make the discomfort go away. It seemed to work, and I shrugged off the experience.

A few hours later, it was time to go to Mutual at the church. I had to go since my mother was in charge of the activity for the Young Women. We were to tie quilts that night for poor people in the community. So, we left for the church and set up the quilting racks when we got there. Soon the girls arrived and we began to tie quilts. But as I was enjoying myself tying quilts and chatting with the other young women, the discomfort from hours earlier came back; only the discomfort became an unbearable pain. I dropped my needle, which was in the middle of a knot. It was too painful to even hold the large needle between my fingers. I ran from the room afraid I would scream aloud due to the pain.

The only place I could think of to be alone was my mother’s car. I ran to the car and opened the door. But it caused even more pain to lift the car door handle. I bit my lips and fought the screams that tore at my throat. Yet, as I sat in the car and painfully pulled the door shut, I could not fight the tears from gushing out.

I looked down at my hands. They looked like my own hands. I turned them over examining them to see if I had any bruises or deep cuts that caused this horrific pain. But there was nothing to see. They looked normal but they felt alien to me.  It didn’t make sense. Why was this happening to me?

I had hoped the pain would subside after a few hours. But it never did. The pain wouldn’t go away. Friday, I was sent to a neurologist. He didn’t know why I had pain. Monday, I was sent to a rheumatologist. He didn’t know. Wednesday, I went to a hand surgeon. He didn’t know as well. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months with no answers from anyone in the medical profession. Each doctor didn’t know what I had. So, they would send me along to someone else who might know. But the next doctor never did. Most of my teenage years were spent in doctors’ waiting rooms. My parents wanted to find a cure for this pain and so did I. But I hated feeling as though I were a lab rat that was constantly observed, poked, and prodded by the doctors studying it.

Diagnoses were made, but the next doctor would disagree and another name was placed upon my mysterious pain. It was a hideous cycle. Treatments turned into torture. At one time, I was diagnosed with reflex sympathetic dystrophy (RSD). The treatments for this diagnosis were injections into my neck to slow down the nerve messages of pains that my brain was supposedly sending to my hands. Since the pain was bilateral, I had to have two injections done into two nerves in my neck. My mother would get off work and drive me two hours up to KU Medical Center in Kansas City for early morning treatments. I would change into a hospital gown, be laid down onto an examination table and my neck would be wiped thoroughly with iodine. I tried desperately to ignore looking at the thick three-inch needle that was heading to my neck. Faces covered in operating masks would blur my vision as the needle entered my skin. Yes, I was quite conscious and awake during these treatments. I am not sure how I endured the sting each time the needle entered into my neck. But these treatments never helped. I would come home, with my neck bandaged up, and would have such terrible reactions to the treatments I would need to go to the emergency room. I realized that with these “treatments” more problems were created than were fixed.

My pain that had been only located in both of my hands spread to the rest of my body. Not only was I a teenager who could  not dress or feed myself, there were times when I could not even walk because it was too painful to move. I could only feel pain every single day. Not only could I feel the pain from my physical problems, but also pain from losing my teenage independence. I had to depend solely on my parents to help me function at all.

Pills never worked. They also created more problems than they fixed. At one time I was taking pills to stop continuous migraines I had been having. But my pills made my hair fall out. So, I would stop the medication to stop my hair loss, but the migraines would come back again. Nothing seemed to work out right. When doctors would see what medications I was on or had taken, they jokingly nicknamed me the “walking pharmacy.” I didn’t share in their humor and began to wonder if there was any hope for finding a cure.

While in the midst of searching for answers, my lovely social life was gone. My friends who had been around were no longer to be seen nor heard from. I was in too much pain to do anything. School was out of the question. I could barely hold a pencil without tears of pain coming to my eyes. The friends I had would only see me for my disability. I was deformed and changed in their eyes. I was quickly dismissed from interacting with them because I was “different.” Once when I was feeling well enough I came to visit my high school for an hour. I was walking down the hall when one of my former friends saw me. His jaw dropped and his eyes bulged out as I walked up to him.

“Hey Maurice.  How are you doing?” I asked.

He still looked at me with that look of shock and disbelief.

“What’s the matter Maurice? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked. I started to walk towards him, but he slowly backed away. “Maurice?”

He finally snapped out of it and said, “I thought you were dead.”

“What?” I yelled.

He continued, “There’s a rumor going around school about you. People have been saying you were at home dying.”

I just stared at him for a long time with my mouth gaping open. I finally turned around to leave him standing there. I couldn’t believe people were spreading that kind of rumor about me.

It was awful to think that my former friends who had been so close to me before hadn’t even stopped by to confirm this rumor. It looked as though no one outside of my family even cared about me anymore. I was alone, fighting an unknown enemy within. I kept wondering if there would ever be a time of peace in my life.

One day I couldn’t take it anymore. I had had enough and I broke down. After another useless day of lying in my bed in pain, I found myself sitting on the floor tucked into a corner of my room. My arms were clutching my legs to my chest as tight as I possibly could. I was in a daze as I began rocking back and forth in my corner. All I could think about was how much of a burden I was to my family and what a burden the pain was for me. I wanted to end it all. Death seemed so peaceful and inviting after a year of being in constant pain. I began to sob thinking that my life had to end like this. But my thoughts were interrupted when my parents walked into my room.

“Tessa!” they gasped. “What are you doing? What’s wrong sweety?”  Frantically, they ran to my side but stopped a foot away from my rocking frame. Apparently, I was mumbling the phrase, “I want to die.  I want to die.  I want to die,” over and over again. They watched horrified as I rocked and sobbed on the floor. They tried to calm me down and make me take my mind off of wanting to end it all. They even tried calling more doctors to understand why I was acting this way. Didn’t they realize I didn’t want them to suffer anymore on my account?

Somehow through their coaxing, I finally snapped out of it. My parents got me off of the floor and placed me back onto my bed to rest and relax. I asked them to bring my CD player over so I could listen to some music to calm my nerves. They did and pressed “play” for me. The song Ordinary World by Duran Duran came on. I had listened to that song many times before, but the lyrics of that song awoke a new hope I had thought was gone forever. These were the lyrics I heard:

What is happening to it all?

Crazy some say.

Where is the life that I recognize?

Gone away.

But I won’t cry for yesterday.

There’s an ordinary world somehow I have to find.

And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world,

I will learn to survive…

What is happening to me?

Crazy some say.

Where is my friend when I need you most?

Gone away…

And I don’t cry for yesterday.

There’s an ordinary world somehow I have to find.

And as I try to make my way to the ordinary world,

I will learn to survive.

Any world is my world.

Every world is my world.

There was hope for me. I realized my “ordinary” life was gone. I had lost it. But that didn’t mean I had lost a life worth living. I could never be the person I was ever again, but I had hope. I had hope in a future world I was soon to create for myself.

From that point on, I had a chance to live. Of course I still had pain, but I worked through it. I was able to graduate from high school with several college scholarships. I attended a community college and worked hard to have a 4.0 G.P.A. My efforts paid off when after a year and a half attendance, I applied to Brigham Young University. I was readily accepted and was offered a full tuition scholarship. I later moved to BYU and was able to get back the social life I had once thought was lost to me.

After attending BYU for several years, I was able to find a man who could love me despite my pain. He was the first man who was not scared away by my disability. He stayed by my side to comfort me while my body was crippled with uncontrollable pain. After three months of dating he proposed to me. He also took on my goal to help create our own “ordinary world” together and to give me hope when others doubted my abilities. Four months later, we were married and sealed together for eternity in the Nauvoo temple.

After over nine years of being in pain, no answers were ever found. But I still live my life with hope that someday I will be back in that “ordinary” world again.

Someone once said, “It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” I truly believe that. It took a lot of courage to realize I would never be that young freshman girl ever again. But I accepted it and ended up creating a new future for myself.  I have “learn[ed] to survive.” Because “any world is my world, every world is my world.”

First original copy published in Segullah 2008 Summer edition (segullah.org).

Through the atonement accomplished by Jesus Christ—a redeeming service, vicariously rendered in behalf of mankind, all of whom have become estranged from God by the effects of sin both inherited and individually incurred—the way is opened for a reconciliation whereby man may come again into communion with God, and be made fit to dwell anew and forever in the presence of his Eternal Father. This basal thought is admirably implied in our English word, “atonement,” which, as its syllables attest, is at-one-ment, “denoting reconciliation, or the bringing into agreement of those who have been estranged.” (New Standard Dictionary under “propitiation.”) The effect of the atonement may be conveniently considered as twofold:

1—The universal redemption of the human race from death invoked by the fall of our first parents; and,

2—Salvation, whereby means of relief from the results of individual sin are provided.

The victory over death was made manifest in the resurrection of the crucified Christ; He was the first to pass from death to immortality and so is justly known as “the first fruits of them that slept.” (1 Corinthians 15:20; see also Acts 26:23; Colossians 1:18; Revelation 1:5) That the resurrection of the dead so inaugurated is to be extended to every one who has or shall have lived is proved by an abundance of scriptural evidence. Following our Lord’s resurrection, others who had slept in the tomb arose and were seen of many, not as spirit-apparitions but as resurrected beings possessing immortalized bodies: “And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose, and came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.” (Matthew 27:52-53)

Those who thus early came forth are spoken of as “the saints”; and other scriptures confirm the fact that only the righteous shall be brought forth in the earlier stages of the resurrection yet to be consummated; but that all the dead shall in turn resume bodies of flesh and bones is placed beyond doubt by the revealed word. The Savior’s direct affirmation ought to be conclusive: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, The hour is coming, and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God: and they that hear shall live…. Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear his voice, and shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation.” (John 5:25, 28-29) The doctrine of a universal resurrection was taught by the apostles of old, (see Acts 24:15; Revelation 20:12-13) as also by the Nephite prophets (see 2 Nephi 9:6, 12-13, 21-22; Helaman 14:15-17; Mosiah 15:20-24); and the same is confirmed by revelation incident to the present dispensation. (see D&C 18:11-12; 45:44-45; 88:95-98) Even the heathen who have not known God shall be brought forth from their graves; and, inasmuch as they have lived and died in ignorance of the saving law, a means of making the plan of salvation known unto them is provided. “And then shall the heathen nations be redeemed, and they that knew no law shall have part in the first resurrection.” (D&C 45:54)

Jacob, a Nephite prophet, taught the universality of the resurrection, and set forth the absolute need of a Redeemer, without whom the purposes of God in the creation of man would be rendered futile. His words constitute a concise and forceful summary of revealed truth directly bearing upon our present subject:

“For as death hath passed upon all men, to fulfil the merciful plan of the great Creator, there must needs be a power of resurrection, and the resurrection must needs come unto man by reason of the fall; and the fall came by reason of transgression; and because man became fallen, they were cut off from the presence of the Lord; wherefore it must needs be an infinite atonement; save it should be an infinite atonement, this corruption could not put on incorruption. Wherefore, the first judgment which came upon man, must needs have remained to an endless duration. And if so, this flesh must have laid down to rot and to crumble to its mother earth, to rise no more. O the wisdom of God! his mercy and grace! For behold, if the flesh should rise no more, our spirits must become subject to that angel who fell from before the presence of the eternal God, and became the devil, to rise no more. And our spirits must have become like unto him, and we become devils, angels to a devil, to be shut out from the presence of our God, and to remain with the father of lies, in misery, like unto himself; yea, to that being who beguiled our first parents; who transformeth himself nigh unto an angel of light, and stirreth up the children of men unto secret combinations of murder, and all manner of secret works of darkness. O how great the goodness of our God, who prepareth a way for our escape from the grasp of this awful monster; yea, that monster, death and hell, which I call the death of the body, and also the death of the spirit. And because of the way of deliverance of our God, the Holy One of Israel, this death, of which I have spoken, which is the temporal, shall deliver up its dead; which death is the grave. And this death of which I have spoken, which is the spiritual death, shall deliver up its dead; which spiritual death is hell; wherefore, death and hell must deliver up their dead, and hell must deliver up its captive spirits, and the grave must deliver up its captive bodies, and the bodies and the spirits of men will be restored one to the other; and it is by the power of the resurrection of the Holy One of Israel. O how great the plan of our God! For on the other hand, the paradise of God must deliver up the spirits of the righteous, and the grave deliver up the body of the righteous; and the spirit and the body is restored to itself again, and all men become incorruptible, and immortal, and they are living souls, having a perfect knowledge like unto us in the flesh; save it be that our knowledge shall be perfect.” (2 Nephi 9:6-13)

The application of the atonement to individual transgression, whereby the sinner may obtain absolution through compliance with the laws and ordinances embodied in the gospel of Jesus Christ, is conclusively attested by scripture. Since forgiveness of sins can be secured in none other way, there being either in heaven or earth no name save that of Jesus Christ whereby salvation shall come unto the children of men (see Mosiah 3:17) every soul stands in need of the Savior’s mediation, since all are sinners. “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God”, said Paul of old, (Romans 3:23) and John the apostle added his testimony in these words: “If we say that we have no sin we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8)

Who shall question the justice of God, which denies salvation to all who will not comply with the prescribed conditions on which alone it is declared obtainable? Jesus Christ is “the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him”, (Hebrews 5:9) and God “will render to every man according to his deeds: to them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, eternal life: but unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath, tribulation and anguish, upon every soul of man that doeth evil.” (Romans 2:6-9)

Such then is the need of a Redeemer, for without Him mankind would forever remain in a fallen state, and as to hope of eternal progression would be inevitably lost. The mortal probation is provided as an opportunity for advancement; but so great are the difficulties and the dangers, so strong is the influence of evil in the world, and so weak is man in resistance thereto, that without the aid of a power above that of humanity no soul would find its way back to God from whom it came. The need of a Redeemer lies in the inability of man to raise himself from the temporal to the spiritual plane, from the lower kingdom to the higher. In this conception we are not without analogies in the natural world. We recognize a fundamental distinction between inanimate and living matter, between the inorganic and the organic, between the lifeless mineral on the one hand and the living plant or animal on the other. Within the limitations of its order the dead mineral grows by accretion of substance, and may attain a relatively perfect condition of structure and form as is seen in the crystal. But mineral matter, though acted upon favorably by the forces of nature—light, heat, electric energy and others—can never become a living organism; nor can the dead elements, through any process of chemical combination dissociated from life, enter into the tissues of the plant as essential parts thereof. But the plant, which is of a higher order, sends its rootlets into the earth, spreads its leaves in the atmosphere, and through these organs absorbs the solutions of the soil, inspires the gases of the air, and from such lifeless materials weaves the tissue of its wondrous structure. No mineral particle, no dead chemical substance has ever been made a constituent of organic tissue except through the agency of life. We may, perhaps with profit, carry the analogy a step farther. The plant is unable to advance its own tissue to the animal plane. Though it be the recognized order of nature that the “animal kingdom” is dependent upon the “vegetable kingdom” for its sustenance, the substance of the plant may become part of the animal organism only as the latter reaches down from its higher plane and by its own vital action incorporates the vegetable compounds with itself. In turn, animal matter can never become, even transitorily, part of a human body, except as the living man assimilates it, and by the vital processes of his own existence lifts, for the time being, the substance of the animal that supplied him food to the higher plane of his own existence. The comparison herein employed is admittedly defective if carried beyond reasonable limits of application; for the raising of mineral matter to the plane of the plant, vegetable tissue to the level of the animal, and the elevation of either to the human plane, is but a temporary change; with the dissolution of the higher tissues the material thereof falls again to the level of the inanimate and the dead. But, as a means of illustration the analogy may not be wholly without value.

So, for the advancement of man from his present fallen and relatively degenerate state to the higher condition of spiritual life, a power above his own must cooperate. Through the operation of the laws obtaining in the higher kingdom man may be reached and lifted; himself he cannot save by his own unaided effort. A Redeemer and Savior of mankind is beyond all question essential to the realization of the plan of the Eternal Father, “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man”; (Moses 1:39) and that Redeemer and Savior is Jesus the Christ, beside whom there is and can be none other.

James Talmage, Jesus the Christ