Jesus Christ

When Mormons marry in the temple, they make even more of a sacred vow than those who enter traditional marriages. While most people marry until “death do you part,” Mormons marry for their lifetime on earth and for all of eternity. They call this eternal marriage, celestial marriage, or marriage for time and all eternity.

God initiated human life with a married couple, a man and a woman who were created for each other. He instructed them to put each other first, and included instructions for future generations, that a man would leave his parents and join with a wife, putting her before his own parents. In Corinthians, Paul taught: “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.” (I Corinthians 11:11)

Marriage has always been very important to Heavenly Father, as it is the foundation for the family, which is the fundamental unit of God’s kingdom. A proper to start to the family through a proper marriage improves the family’s chances for success.

God has declared marriage, as we saw in the creation story and in Paul’s comments to the Corinthians, to be between a man and a woman. Mormons honor this traditional definition of marriage, and because polygamy is only permitted in rare situations to carry out God’s plans (as it sometimes was in Biblical times), today they perform only marriages between one man and one woman. Polygamy was practiced only for a brief time more than one hundred years ago, and then only by a small number of church members under conditions very different than those permitted by members of groups who are not Mormon but are sometimes confused with Mormons.

God has never sanctioned divorce except for specific situations, such as abuse. For this reason, it’s unreasonable to think He would sanction it for all marriages at a given time-when death separates a couple. This schedules the divorce at the very moment the marriage is taking place. How many of us would marry someone who announced he or she would be happy to get married, but only for ten years? No one would want this, and it’s certainly not how God planned it, and yet it is how marriage is traditionally carried out, as if we feel we will enter Heaven and be promptly assigned to fall out of love with our spouses.

Because God instructed us to love our spouses and find happiness in family life, and because He loves us, He has planned a way to allow our families to continue forever, if we love them enough to make the sacrifices for this to happen. There is no way a person who loves His family could be happy in eternity without those He loves most. For this reason, God commanded the building of temples, where a marriage can be performed by a person with this special authority, for all eternity.

Mormon marriages are fairly traditional, in that they involve a man and a woman who are expected, if possible, to carry out the traditional roles. The husband is primarily responsible for earning the money and the woman is primarily responsible for taking care of the children and the home. This allows each person to have an area of family life that is especially theirs to do well and to be an authority over. Of course, the homemaking part of the job is often much larger than the earning portion, especially when there are children, so husbands are expected to pitch in and help. Mothers are instructed to teach their sons homemaking skills, which are used on their two year missions (a volunteer service in which they teach others about their religion, living away from home.) and in their future marriages. Most Mormon men are reasonably skilled at basic homemaking and cooking.

Although each person has a God-given area of responsibility, and the husband presides over the home, both are equal partners. To preside is not to rule, a term which is too often misunderstood. A man who presides is responsible for setting the level of spirituality and obedience to God through his own example. He acts appropriately, and others are then encouraged to follow his lead. The husband and wife work together to make decisions, each having respect for the others’ expertise in his or her assigned area of responsibility. The wife doesn’t simply do as she’s told, nor is she required to follow a husband who asks her to disobey God.

The Proclamation on the Family, which outlines Mormon theology concerning family life, says, “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102) This means there is never an excuse for a man to use his leadership for abuse, neglect, or unrighteous dominion, since Paul, in the Bible, explained,

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5).

Men must preside in love, and this strongly limits how they handle their leadership responsibility.

Dispelling Misperceptions about Mormon Marriage

Misperceptions abound regarding marriages performed in the Mormon Church, and some are actually appalling and nonsensical.

1. Mormon homes are patriarchal in the extreme; women are forced to be homemakers.  In reality, a very high percentage of Mormon women work, and perhaps all work during certain times in their marriages, especially before and after childrearing.  A high percentage of Mormon women achieve higher education, and most are able to develop many talents.  Mormon women engage in service to their communities, to their families, to their church callings (the Church has a lay clergy, and women fill many positions), to the Church’s humanitarian aid programs, and to charitable pursuits.
2. Mormon men and women engage in ritual sexual acts in the temples before marriage.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Both marriage partners must be chaste to qualify to enter the temple.  If a sexual transgression has occurred, it must be thoroughly repented of before a temple recommend is issued, and such repentance usually takes at least a year.  The marriage vow is a holy vow that demands purity from both the bride and groom.  This purity is completely honored by the family and friends of the couple, who must also be leading exemplary lives to earn temple recommends to witness the marriage ceremony.  The ceremony itself is much like normal weddings in style, with the couple kneeling at an altar, and the officiator giving them counsel and guidance, but the vow is an eternal commitment and includes promises of eternal glory, if the couple continues in righteousness.
3. Polygamy is still practiced in the Mormon Church. Completely untrue. Any member of the Mormon Church who participates in polygamy is excommunicated.  The groups of fundamentalists in Texas and other states who practice polygamy and claim to be Mormon are not affiliated with the Mormon Church, and most have never been.
4. Mormon women are “inveterate breeders.” This is a phrase that was actually used in the press, and it is insulting.  Families all over the world used to be large families.  Lately, however, some nations are actually losing population and are begging their citizens to procreate.  Family is central to Mormon belief, and as such, Mormons thoroughly enjoy family life as their central focus.  Family life doesn’t occur if the family isn’t populated.  Also, Mormons believe that we lived in a heavenly spiritual realm before we were born on earth.  This belief permeates poetry and literature worldwide, so it’s not such a bizarre idea.  Mormons welcome as many spirits as possible to good homes in this mortal existence, but how many children to bear (and when) is a decision to be made between husband and wife and the Lord.  Physical and mental health are considerations, but Mormons are counseled not to avoid having children in order to accrue material wealth.  Birth control is another decision left up to husband and wife without meddling from the Church.  Mormons, however, consider abortion a terrible sin and a lamentable trend in many societies around the world.  Thus, Mormon families tend to be larger, but still not as large as families were in recent history.
5. Mormon girls jump from the Salt Lake Temple into the Great Salt Lake to escape marrying there. A novel written in the 1930′s made this claim, and it still pops up now and then, even in our “enlightened” societies.  The Great Salt Lake is about 30 miles from the Salt Lake Temple.  The Salt Lake Temple is an historical landmark, and so it’s a “destination” wedding venue for many Mormon couples.  It also has beautiful gardens which are a favorite location for wedding photography.