Jesus Christ

It is Our Choices and Not Circumstances That Define Us

James

My youth was spent in my father’s home surrounded by drugs, violence, alcohol and depravity. I lived in the midst of people whose souls had been voluntarily sacrificed and knew only the search for earthly pleasure. This was my home until my father died as a result of complications caused by his lifestyle. I was 15. Some might consider that my formative years represented an almost insurmountable set of obstacles and that anyone raised in such circumstances might never be able to find God. But I had survived shootings, drug deals, abuse and neglect for a greater purpose.

If the circumstances from my childhood had the power to cause my soul to become irredeemable the adversary would have a perfect plan. But assigning a future to a child by simply exposing him to evil ignores the most powerful gift that God bestowed upon all of his children – the gift of CHOICE. In the end it was my willingness to exercise this gift combined with the eternal beneficence of Jesus Christ that enabled me to escape the life that my father had assigned to me. But the road to God was difficult.

After the death of my father I became ever more inward focused. I wallowed in self pity and self hate. In my selfish estimation there was no one that had ever or would ever suffer as I had. It was during this time that I blamed God for everything that had happened to me. I convinced myself that there was something about me that was so fundamentally unlovable that made my existence an affront to my Creator. Because of this, I derived no joy from even the most pure gestures or honest gifts. At the point that I felt myself completely succumbing to hate, pain and anger, I was thrown a lifeline.

The lifeline was offered with sincerity and without any reservations. It was presented freely and without preconditions. It touched a part of me that I had forgotten even existed. I was taught the truth of my existence and learned of my royal heritage. I came to realize that because of who my father was, my real father, I was a prince. I learned about the Plan of Salvation as taught in the Mormon faith (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints)–that I lived before this life, had a purpose and identity and mission, and that I would live after this life, if I chose to follow the Savior’s plan.

This revealed knowledge of the gospel changed me. I began to let go of some of the anger and found many of the wounds from my past beginning to heal. It was at this point that the true miracle took place and I recognized the pure love of Christ. The balm of Gilead was applied to my damaged heart, and I began to feel love and give love for the first time in my life.

The healing process has taken more than twenty years and has not always been easy. I discovered the ability to love those who had wronged me and have sought forgiveness from those I had wronged. The power of the Redeemer’s sacrifice is manifested in my life and enables me to change not only my own life but to provide direction and hope for my posterity.

Like my father, I have sons who need my guidance and direction. But unlike my father I am able to pass on the gift of hope and love that comes from the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ (the LDS or Mormon faith) and my choice to embrace it. Because of His magnificent influence the damage caused so many years ago no longer has the ability to direct my choices. Instead my choices are the product of a desire to serve God and obtain my personal salvation.

By James Ballou, Author of Soul Survivor

www.SoulSurvivorStory.com

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